Adventure awaits.. Are you ready?

It’s time to do it.

This thought kept coming back to me the past few months. I have been quiet in terms of pursuing my passion. The last 3 years were not my most glamorous years. I have learned to appreciate many things that I am privileged to have.

Along come with fear. On the one hand, I feel trapped in my career. Keep doing what I have been doing – I am bored out of my mind due to nature of my work is very much data entry and routine. On the other hand, find another job in the same field – I may be happy in the short term, but it will get old too fast.

New Beginning

Change is inevitably what I craved for so long. Some days after I got off from work, I would go to info sessions, search for careers I am interested in, set time aside for some hobbies. After one particular info session about digital art, I knew I would like it. Except, doubts took over. I used to be so carefree. If I wanted to do something, I would go do it.

Deep in my mind, I know I want to change my career path. But it is an unconventional pathway. I’m not building on to the experiences I already have. I have always dealt with numbers. I am so good at it. Maybe I’m too good at it. Now I want to utilize my creativity for a living – perhaps using the less developed part of my brain. Am I capable of doing that — starting over in my mid-late 20s?

The program I am interested in joining is offered full-time. It means I would have to quit my job, a decision my family wouldn’t stand behind. I need to work very hard since I’m not even from a related discipline.

Colored penciles

Then it hit me. Where’s the Lily that I know and admire, who has the courage to make change, and believe in herself. There are people out there who successfully changed their career. If they can do it, why can’t I?

Most importantly, if there’s one thing I have learned in all my travelings, it would be that anything is possible as long as you try the hardest. As cliche as it sounds, there is always a way, if I am willing to find it and do not give up. I have witnessed “miracles” happen first hand.

Yesterday I just finished my last day at work. It is both exciting and scary. I am looking forward to the journey ahead yet I do not know what to expect (despite trying to self-study on my free time). It’s that time again. It’s time to dissolve fear with motivation. I’m ready to be happy again 🙂

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Change

I want change but I have been slacking off. That is the simple truth. I dream one day to be a writer and write my stories as I experience the world. I want to have an unconventional career, be totally in control and free to do with what I want.

Instead, I spent hours browsing online on meaningless things. That store has a sale of 30% off. Let me check if there’s any deals worth my money. I let my blog go weeks and weeks without any new material. I didn’t try to think new topics. It’s not that I don’t know what to write, as much as I want to convince myself.

Photo credit: Lorenzo Tomada

I don’t know when did it happen. I hit the power button of my mind. There are so many things to write about all around me. I stopped uncovering them over time. It is much easier to not thinking about much after a day of work. I felt like I deserve permanent breaks on all times off work, including weekends.

Without feeling I am accomplishing much for months, it is time to get back at it. I realize one thing. I don’t merely enjoy (want) writing to express myself, though it is an essential part of it. I need to write. It makes me seek purpose and see the beautiful things in the world that I couldn’t see if I close my mind.

It is easy to read an article on a tablet or watch a video on youtube. It doesn’t equate to writing in terms of the level of thinking and concentration needed. I am resuming my journey of seeking and bring positive changes in my life along the way.

The Progression of Life

When I was really young, I lived with my paternal grandparents for 6 months because my parents were busy with work. I have vague memories of those days. It’s so vague that I cannot recall a single event that happened.

Photo credit: Mi..chael

After those 6 months, I lived with my parents in another city. I did not get to see my grandparents often. Then I moved to Canada. I only visit every few years, up until 2009. That was the last time I was in China. Yes, it has been 6 years since I last saw them. At the time I didn’t know that for one of them, that’s the last time I would ever see him.

Over the years, I was not very close to my grandpa, barely seen him in recent years. The moment I heard the news, I didn’t know how I felt. It was not a surprise. My dad went back to China and was updating me on grandpa’s condition.

It wasn’t until I called grandma to send my condolences, that it hit me that he is gone forever. It’s a sickening feeling. I have been blessed that I didn’t experience anyone close to me pass away till now. Even though we haven’t been in each other’s life in recent decades, we still cared about each other.

This is a significant event in my life. However, I find it less significant when compared to how grandma, dad, and uncles, and their families, will deal with the loss of someone that played a big role in their lives.

 


 

 

In these past months, I have been dissatisfied with some things, or the lack of, things happening in my life. At the same time, I have not been actively searching for solutions. Motivation stopped being my friend a while ago. There are so much negativity in my head. I know what needs to be done but it seemed impossible to start it.

It is time to remind myself: life is short. If I want to make a dent in this world before I leave, I better take action now. I have no time to waste on waiting for things to magically happen. Let me make 2015 the year of change!

Dear grandpa, I  hope you find peace, where ever you are. 

This post is dedicated to my grandpa who passed away on July 12, 2015

 

 

Too Big To Fail ?! (DP) – Fear to Fail Big & Resilience

Photo Credit: Celestine Chua

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

This is an odd daily prompt to answer. I always believe that if you try to fail, you will.  If I get the “guaranteed not to fail” ticket, I’d move to one of the islands (yes, still obsessed with islands in all shapes and forms) close to the equator and watching money flowing into my bank account as I sip through drinks while sunbathing on the beach.

In reality, there is no guarantee that I won’t fail in anything. But that’s also the beauty of it, should I choose to embrace it. By nature, most of us, are scared to fail. I am never short of reasons not to do it. What helped me overcome (or temporarily overcome) my fear is to surround myself with those who are positive and inspiring.

According to the positive psychology course that I am taking right now, resilience, the ability to overcome adversity quickly, can be enabled and built, just like muscles. It is all about how we look at the negative things in our lives. Not to ignore it, but to face it.

Reflecting on my past, there were definitely things I would do differently if I were to go back in time. The outcomes couldn’t be more different had I pushed a little harder and don’t take people’s words on the surface. Those were lessons that I had to learn by experience. My wise ex-boss once told me that you can’t always merely tell people “the right way” and expect them to understand; sometimes you have to let people run on their ideas in order to for them to realize that what they thought was wrong.

There were some difficult, unexpected situations that had arisen while living abroad (due to privacy concerns for those involved, I cannot share details). Although all of it is water under the bridge, and I don’t see it as a bad thing that happened in my life, it still affect some of my decisions/choices since.

After these events, I avoided dealing with the aftermath of my emotions. I was obsessed and consumed with the fact that it had no controllable factor as I playback what happened. It made me agitate to think about uncertainty – the possible consequences of my decisions. A million “what-if” scenarios were stuck in my head and playing over and over.

Another thing mentioned by the positive psychology course is that thinking about the positive side helps overcoming the difficulty. One good thing did come out of this experience. I used to think if I can’t have it, I’d rather it not commence at all. I learned that I never know what will happen in life. Life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. It is full of uncertainty. After this experience, I realized I need to cherish every day. Even if I can’t have it all, it doesn’t mean I have to miss out on it while it is there. That would have been my loss.

I am often accused of having dreams that I wanna accomplish that are too insane or unrealistic. However, without dreaming of it first, it would never go to fruition. Thinking back about my decision to go to Egypt. I had doubts, fear, and worries, and concerns. I knew nothing about that part of the world. Whether it is backpacking in Southeastern Europe by myself or jumping off an airplane/mountain to experience the adrenaline rush, I’ve been dubbed by some friends as fearless. Moving forward, I need to continue to live through fearlessness and take risks when necessary. After all, in my personal experience, the good outweighs the bad, by far, as long as I look at it the right way.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Big To Fail.”

Too Big To Fail